i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
