Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
