I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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