So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
