just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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