normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
