Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
