i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
