Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
