it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
