So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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