Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
