I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
