So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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