She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
