I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
