Yo dont text me then not text me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
MIDGETS
????
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize