Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
