we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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