I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
