I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
