Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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