Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
