I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
