I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
