My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
