I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
