I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
