I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need a burrito and a hug.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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