I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dignity is for republicans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't notice because vodka
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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