i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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