Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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