My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
