I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
