I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
