nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
