Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
