no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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