Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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