i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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