This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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