Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
