I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
