i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
