im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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