Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
