And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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