Duck Duck Cougar?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
