Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
