it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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