Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
