Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
