Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
