WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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