About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
