Ambien. No doubt about it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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