I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
