I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
