I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
