Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
