Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
