I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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