so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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