i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
