We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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