at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
