I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
