What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
