I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
