im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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