Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize