Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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