They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
