He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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