Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
