You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
