All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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