I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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