Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
