I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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