Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS