i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is