Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate