Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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