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I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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