i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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